An Open Letter *From* My Deceased Mother

Not long ago I shared an open letter I wrote to my deceased mother. And as my latest Expressing Motherhood piece mentioned an open letter she wrote me that was read at a graduation-related event, I thought that it would be fitting this year (on her death date) to share it.

‘Dear Amy,

When you arrived on December 24th, 21 years ago, I knew you would be destined for greatness!

The doctor said, “It’s a girl, but she’s only 4 lbs and 16 1/2 inches!”

My mother said, “I cook chickens for dinner that are bigger than that!”

I said, “Her entire head fits in the palm of my hand!”

Yes, Amy, you were small, but as people say, “The best things come in small packages!”

We brought you home ten days later, nameless. I searched high and low for a name that would best suit you, to no avail. Until your brother Jesse came to the rescue and said, “I think we should call her Amy.” And so it was, you were named Amy.

Once you had the first name of Amy, how more befitting would it have been, but for me to call you ‘Amy Beth.’ And so it came to be, your name was once and for all, decided by a joint venture of your brother and me.

Now, being that you came early, a month early, that should have been a sign. Unfortunately, I was not in tune with human nature then, as I am now. But had I been, I would have known some things about you early on. As things go, not only did you mature emotionally, psychologically, and intellectually early, but also physically!

[🙄😑😖]

I remember driving in the car one day, when you were only 5 years old, and you saying to me, “Mom, will I have my period by the time I’m in college?”

Then your brother turned to you and said, “Amy, don’t worry, you’ll get it way, way, way before then.” And he was right.

Yes, you were early at that too. And yes you did get it before you started college. Way, way, way before you started college!

[Thanks, Mom 😑]

But now, as you are nearing the end of college, I must say, the things you have accomplished have definitely been filled with greatness! And I am very proud to be your mom!

Love forever and always,

Mom’

…. So, now you know. I got my blatant honesty and penchant for over-sharing from my Mama. And I’ll probably never stop, because it’s how I keep her spirit alive.

RIP Mom 💓

1/26/1952 – 9/25/2007

Kindergarten Bound, Smiles All Around

“How do you feel?”

“Are you sad?”

“Nervous at all?”

I’ve been asked the same question (or variations of it) umpteen times in the last couple weeks.

And my answer, for some reason, is always met with surprise.

“I’m excited!” I reply.

The responses containing the least amount of skepticism generally sound like, “Oh, really?”

“Yep, really.”

My question is, am I supposed to be sad? Surely, it’s OK to be sad; I understand where my friends and loved ones are coming from. I guess I’m just missing something.

Personally, the idea of my child officially embarking on her educational career is thrilling to me. I am the child of generations of school teachers. I love to learn. I see my daughter flourish when she is not stuck to my side and reliant on my help. I see her transform when she rises to life’s challenges.

But most importantly, I am being gifted the chance to be present to watch her struggles and triumphs. I am here for her entrance to school. We have each other as we embark on this transition, and for that I am thankful and excited and blessed.

So, no, we aren’t nervous. There are smiles all around over here (but let’s chat again when it’s time for college 🤐).

Best of luck to everyone going through a similar transition 💓

Freckles & Perspective

She hunches over, furiously scribbling on the paper taped to the floor. It is there to catch excess paint from the ceiling, but the men have packed up for the day, and I see no harm in decorating the barely marred surface.

“Why not draw on the floor?” I had proposed when her tiny body got antsy after dinner and before bath.

I’m not sure any idea has ever sounded better. “I’m going to draw Daddy!” She proclaimed proudly. “He’s one hundred handsome,” Her voice tapers as she doodles and day dreams about the first man to steal her heart.

Moments pass, and I peer over her shoulder to see her work. Daddy’s rectangular body isn’t accurate, but it sure is adorable.

“Wow, great job,” I encourage her.

She smiles, “Thanks. Oh! I almost forgot.” The cap of the pink marker raps against her lips as she ponders aloud, “Does Daddy have freckles?”

“A couple, sure, but not too many,” I reply.

Chock full of gumption, she retorts, “Well, this is my drawing and I like making freckles. So, he’s gonna have a lot.”

Her arm works quickly as her marker dots the paper, and I cannot help but promote her artistic spirit, “There’s no arguing with that logic.”

“Don’t worry,” she adds, “I won’t give him as many freckles as you. You’ve got one million freckles.”

“True,” I once again agree.

“But, Savta Dasi (the Hebrew word for grandmother combined with my mom’s nickname) had INFINITY freckles. More freckles than anyone on the planet!” I watch her tiny face brighten as her reflections revive my mother’s memory. A silly grin spreads across my face.

In the midst of my grief, I have found my greatest sadness over memories Mom and I never got to make. I suppose that’s the biggest pain in all grief: time lost.

But, then life has this beautiful way of reminding you (even in conversations about freckles) that your ultimate merit is not found in how long you live, but how long your your sweet memory persists. For Mom will be gone eleven years this September, and my daughter only turned five in June.

It is moments like these that surely define our lives. That remind us it is less about how long we live, and more about the weight of our impact on the world. 💓

Three Things I Wish I Knew Before Attending BlogHer16

About five days before BlogHer16, I stumbled onto a post for the convention for the first time. I know, I’m not sure where I was living before that (perhaps under a rock?), but it was going to be on my home turf in just over 120 hours, and I knew in my heart I had to get myself there.

I did the best I could to prepare. I read an article or two, but with the very little time I had all I could do was print a rushed business card at a local office supply store and pray for the best.

Fast forward a year, and considering everything I know now (based on my attendance as well as my prep for BlogHer17), I’ve created a list of:

Three Things I Wish I Knew Before Attending BlogHer16.

1) The package you present yourself in is much less important than the contents inside. Let me explain: those several days I had to “prep” myself (i.e. get my nails done, shop for a cute outfit or two), I spent completely frantic. I thought – gosh, if I don’t seem up on the fashion trends, will I be less desirable to the companies looking for collaborations? Will they be uninterested if they see the roots on my scalp and the milk stains through my shirt?

IMG_8487What I found, was simply this: it’s easy to judge a book by its cover, but most people attending BlogHer are interested in bettering themselves and learning from others. It’s a collaboration of minds, so many of them great! And sure, it’s nice to primp and prep, to style yourself & take care, but your content (pun intended) is so much more important.

2) Sometimes things don’t align perfectly, and that shouldn’t keep you from having the best time possible. Because I was local, and my attendance at BlogHer16 was so last minute, I had no  way of lining up childcare for my little guy (who was 6 months at the time). He had just had his immunizations, but I hadn’t yet taken him to major events. So, I was reticent to hage him tag along, and even reconsidered my attendance because I’d have to drag him with me.

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In the end, I rallied, packed a massive diaper bag, and braved the LA traffic at rush hour to attend. He was perfect. The Expo was a lot of fun for both of us – there were so many interactive booths for children and adults alike – we were in Heaven. I thought he would cramp my style, but I ended up probably making even more connections because of his cute, little face. The only time things got difficult was when I  had to breastfeed during a panel, but still – no more difficult than breastfeeding in public ever is.

I understand the logistics and anxieties that come with travel and attendance. I’ve spent hours of planning this year to attend BlogHer17 in Orlando with my family of four (I know, I’m crazy). It’s hard not to have a great deal of expectations, but the hurdles that present themselves during travel and conventions are just that – meant to be leapt over. 😉

3) Put yourself out there. The only way to get the most from this convention is to be yourself. Show everyone who you are, what you represent, what matters most to you, and people will notice. That’s what all of us bloggers have come here for anyway – to make connections and be inspired by our peers. Be that inspiring you that drives you to blog, and let us see it, too!

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Also, I mean it literally – put yourself out there. There are TONS of raffles, contests, and challenges. Join as many as possible. I think I won two out of four I entered – imagine if I had entered ALL of the ones I wanted to!

Another thing – put yourself out there on social media, if you feel so inclined. Sometimes, businesses are watching. Other times, attendees are. Most of us are because we are just as nervous or excited as you. Let us know so we’re not alone! You’ll never know – you may make a good friend to stroll the halls with!

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Self-Publishing success Panel

…. Have so much fun everyone! And don’t forget to say hello 😉

Balloon Animal BFFs

Our Florida trip is in t-minus three weeks and the nerves have already set in. This will be our first time flying with the kids, and Charlotte has been saying “I’m scared of heights” on repeat. I’ve tried to sweeten the deal time and time again: “But we’ll be landing and going to DisneyWorld!” “You won’t even notice you’re in the air!” or “C’mon, you’ll be able to watch movies the WHOLE time.” I’ve even offered her cool flight swag (a captain’s hat, an iPad, etc) to assuage her fears. Nothing has worked.

Until, that is, we watched Home and Family on Hallmark Channel – our new mother and daughter ritual – and saw Orly Shani‘s super fun balloon animal pillow project. She made the cutest snowmen, unicorn, and puppy dog! Charlotte’s eyes lit up and she shouted, “That’s it, Mommy! That’ll be my nap time pillow for the plane. I can cuddle it if I get scared! Can we make twoooo?” How could I refuse a family craft time that’s simple and super cheap?!

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To watch the full video from Home & Family click the link here, or keep reading for step-by-step instructions!

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Photo courtesy of littleinspiration.com

All you’ll need to make these super duper cuties is*:

– A pair of opaque tights or stockings

Pillow stuffing (as white and fluffy as possible!)

– *Optional supplies: needle and thread matching the tights you choose, as well as extra decoration if desired (see the video above or extra project ideas below for inspo on how to use them)!

        Directions:

       Simply slit the tights in two at the crotch (see video above).   Then start stuffing! When you want to create a bend in the material, simply tie a knot. Or, to maximize neatness and eliminate floppiness, you can even sew a tight twist in place with thread that matches the hue of tights you’ve chosen to work with. Then continue stuffing! For easier manipulation, you may follow the instructions for creating a “dog” below. I’m always  confused watching the balloon artists anyway!

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Simple step-by-step instructions to folding a dog balloon to model your pillow

Do not stuff the pillow until you manipulate each step of folding. If you fold after stuffing, you may not have enough room to manipulate the tights into the shape you prefer.

After creating your base animal, it’s time to get creative! To add the extra details, simply purchase things like these awesome unicorn horns or “hair” tassels!

I can’t wait to post photos of how our own pillow pets turn out – make sure you’re following my Instagram to see! Also, follow my blog for more DIY inspo and family fun!

The Best Gift to Give this Summer (I promise).

It’s the end of the school year and the summer holidays are approaching. You  know what that means, right? All the amazing Pinterest-y Moms will be at it full force. They’ve designed insane end-of-the-school-year presents like hand crafted paperweights made from real unicorn hairs. And that’s just so not me.

Im the one who loves to get creative, but really… I don’t have much time. So, this year – because my daughter’s teachers worked themselves into the ground with what sounded like a thousand three year olds all day every day, and put up with my neurotic antics all year long, I decided to encourage them to “‘Taco’ Load Off.” Yep, that’s right. As a way to celebrate the end of the school year, I am gifting my daughter’s preschool teacher a Taco Tuesday, complete with margaritas (alcohol optional).

The whole process took me one trip to Target and a few EBay purchases (because free shipping and buying in larger bulk, so I can make MANY of these awesome gifts over the summer!). Each gift cost me about $30 and did I mention it includes homemade taco seasoning?? Read below for the full list of items included (seasoning recipe, too), as well as links to score them!!

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Taco Tuesday in a Tin Basket

wire basket (or container of your choosing)

1 gift card ($15-20 towards a store that would have fresh items such as meat, lettuce, taco shells)

1 seasoning shaker – taco seasoning recipe/shopping list below

2 plastic margarita glasses

1 cilantro growing kit

2 ready made mini-bottles of margarita (includes tequila)

1 50 mL bottle of tequila (optional)

 

Taco Seasoning

4 tablespoons cumin

4teaspoons paprika

2 teaspoons onion powder

2 teaspoons garlic powder

2 teaspoons cayenne pepper

1 teaspoon chili powder

1 teaspoon black pepper

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Wrapping this beauty up doesn’t have to be fancy – the important thing is that you’re giving someone tequila and tacos – how could you go wrong? I’d say a simple cellophane wrapper and a cute gift tag is all you need! A cute play on words like “Taco Load Off” or a phrase like “Taco Break!” will help tie everything together. Happy gifting(and summer)! Be sure to follow along for more summer fun, travel tips, recipes, and more!