This House of Love

Reflection, not Resolution

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So often we begin each new year with a laundry list of resolutions: lose weight, gain funds, eat less, exercise more, etc. And it’s a widespread joke that by February these steadfast decisions become nothing but empty promises and proof of failure. 

Ironically enough though, resolution actually means “a firm decision to do or not do something.” It can also mean “the action of solving a problem.” In other words, we start each new trip around the sun ruminating on the previous year’s failures and binding ourselves to start fixing them as of the very first day of the year. No wonder why we all screw up. It’s too much pressure. If it was all that easy to fix our shortcomings don’t you think we’d change without resolving to do so? 

So, here’s my proposal: forget resolutions. Instead, let us reflect. What can we learn from 2017? Think back on the past year, revel in its joys and garner strength from their positivity. Then consider the downfalls, because there are even more lessons to be drawn from those. Let us reflect, learn from our past, and then move on, because it is our responsibility to live in the moment as much as possible. The present is the surest thing we have, and it is painfully fleeting. 


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A Simplistic Holiday Survival Guide

I have one rule, and one rule only: know your financial, scheduling, emotional and mental limits, and try your very best not to push past them. That’s it. 

May you have the happiest (and most rejuvenating) of holidays, Blog Family! 🤷🏻‍♀️🥂💓


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Nine Years Later

When I was pregnant with Charlotte someone in the Starbucks line imparted a piece of wisdom to me. This is a frequent occurrence during pregnancy – advice, words of wisdom, warnings, congratulations – strangers offer them all.  Few are gems, but for some reason this woman’s words still echo through my mind to this day, four years later. Perhaps it was the fact that she was toting two little ones, her hair was askew, and her smile was both defeated and effervescent at the same time. It’s possible that I recognized a future soul sister in her. It could be that I was hungry for guidance and support. Whatever the reason, I listened. And even though I often forget what I’m saying mid-sentence, or even more frequently return from the grocery store with half the things I need and double the things I want, this phrase embedded itself in my brain. Presumably forever.

“The days are long, but the years are short,” she had said kindly yet frankly. I committed the line to memory as we continued to banter light-heartedly. As I mentioned, I will have had hundreds of run-ins with people by the end of both of my pregnancies. But, this one. This one clearly felt different.

Eventually, as those first months of sleep deprivation and hormonal rollercoaster rides melted away, and I dug myself out of the trench that is the transition from pregnancy to postpartum, life went on. At both a snail’s pace and break neck speed. My days often felt undeniably (and oddly) long AND short; I spent them mourning the loss of the family I grew up with, no matter how dysfunctional it may have been, while trying to balance the creation of a new one. I was happy and sad. And then I was pregnant again. Charlotte soon turned two. Adam arrived. My daughter started school. She was quickly out of diapers, and he was sitting up. The next thing I know my kids are three and a half and eight months, and my heart has octupled in size.

And within the proverbial blink of an eye, the tragic calendar count I have been conducting amidst all of life’s curveballs gets much closer to a decade than to any other convenient measure of time. Nine years to be exact. Nine years since Mom was killed. If you had asked me to write about my life that day in Starbucks four years ago, my reflection would have been much different. I was so fractured then. Despite having found love, buying a home, working steadily, and being pregnant, I was slogged down by sadness. I was in the deepest pit of grief still, attempting to crawl my way out. My stance was that the woman who had given me life, only to have hers selfishly taken away, was missing out on all these events that she had begun dreaming of the moment I was born. It felt so wrong to rejoice without her. So, as my life continued on an uptrend, as did the difficulty of moving on.

But now, as we approach this ninth “anniversary” of Mom’s death, it is clear to me that this extra time passed has helped to heal a good deal of my wounds, and that my frame of mind is evolving. It is true that some days I still spend a little sadder than others. I catch myself standing at the edge of the gaping hole that grief always leaves behind in its wake, teetering between the me that is present in all my current love and slipping back into the me that is rooted in my painful past. But what also remains true, and what I often remind myself of, is that I have lived nine whole years since Mom died. Within those nine years I met the love of my life. A stubborn, handsome, funny, incredibly loving, supportive, relentless, nutty man whom Mom would have loved. We moved a bunch of times, sold a home, bought one. We planned our dream wedding. We honeymooned. We made babies that we adore more than life itself. We live our lives every day, not loving every moment, but valuing each one. We have done all these things, and despite the sadness I felt amidst many of them, I often look back with so much fondness. These are the highlights of my life. They would have been the highlights of my mother’s as well. She would never want my happiest recollections to be so tainted.

Thus, if my grief, heartbreak and *parenthood* have taught me anything, it’s that every moment matters. So, as I begin this tenth year without my mom, I choose to reflect on that wise saying a nice lady in Starbucks once shared with me. “The days are long, but the years are short.” Why should I waste these precious minutes scarred and jaded, when they will so rapidly weave together to create the fabric of my whole lifetime? This annual commemoration  (also conveniently always “celebrated” around Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur), I vow to try my best to be content in every beautiful, poop, tear, and laughter-filled moment I’m gifted with. Because before I know it, the days of my live will morph into years. And I’m planning on filling mine with more than enough happiness for both Mom and me.

 

 


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(Cheap) Family Fun to Enjoy With Little Ones

I am so happy for all of my friends who are readying their little ones to go back to school full-time. Yay! Summer is over, and they’re off the hook (at least during the hours of 8 AM and 3 PM)… Aren’t they lucky?! Alas, not all of us have that luxury. I’ve got two more years until Charlotte enters kindergarten and until then, Momma School is back in session every other day (C goes to a local preschool every MWF).

With that said, I figured I would compile a list of the activities that we attempted this summer that we all fell in love with as a family. I’ll be sure to revisit some of these on those days that C will be hanging at home. Because we can’t watch movies all the time.

Each description includes instructions, supplies needed, cost, and time spent prepping vs. time spent playing. As a former teacher, I pride myself on being able to incorporate “disguised learning” in all of our fun. Thus, I also made sure to include in each description what skills are being honed by participants. Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!

  1. Water Gun PaintingSupplies needed: water guns with simple spray mechanisms, water-based paint; Cost: ~ $10; Prep Time: 10-20 minutes; Play time: (depending on age of player) 20-75 minutes. Fill guns with paint, hang butcher paper on clothesline (or tape to wall outside), and let your kids have at it! They will be working on spatial perception, hand-eye coordination, fine motor skills, color recognition (for little ones), and also just getting their creative juices flowing! This can get pretty messy, so beware and enjoy!
  2. Bake a Cake! – I know this sounds super simple, but baking is one of the best ways to work in an interdisciplinary manner. Supplies needed: ready made cake mix, or a recipe, as well as all other supplies you may need 🙂 ; Cost: ~ $5-10; Prep time: Less than 5 minutes; Play time: between 20-40 minutes*. Follow directions in the recipe, and watch as your child has fun counting, sorting, and following directions (amazing)! Skills honed will include counting, fine motor skills (pouring, measuring, etc), color recognition, inductive reasoning, and the experimental approach! Plus, it’s super yummy, too. *The best thing about this activity is there is “Eat Time” too!
  3. Pirate Treasure Map – This had to be my daughters favorite! Supplies needed: 1 large piece of butcher paper, 1 sharpie, 1 prize (stickers, candy, a book, whatever), matches (optional) and a huge imagination! Cost: Under $5; Prep time: ~ 10-15 minutes; Play time: Over 1 hour (if done right)! You can choose to make an imaginary map, a map of your home, or a map of your neighborhood. I chose to design a map of our neighborhood, utilizing the landmarks Charlotte knows well. The map identified things like her favorite tree, a house of distinct color, etc. It led us from our home to Starbucks (about a quarter of a mile away). I slyly handed a “treasure” (a new book) to the baristas, who eventually helped her “find” it. Skills honed include communication, critical thinking, inductive reasoning, reading/literacy, color recognition, number recognition, and goal setting. Plus, it’s soooo much fun!
  4. Edible Cars – Supplies needed: toothpicks, peanut butter, cucumbers, radishes, carrots, zucchini, grapes, and any other fresh snacks you prefer*. Cost: Virtually free (as I support the “Use whats in your fridge” approach); Prep time: ~ 10 minutes; Play time: ~ 1 hour. Slice and dice them in ways that you think are conducive to building a car (think cucumber slices for tires, grapes sliced in half for headlights, carrots sliced so they can make a grill, etc). You will have to use your imagination and help along the way. Cutting some toothpicks in half may help. *for younger children, cutting the veggies and fruit in cubes (or as cubic as possible) can be good for stacking or just playing. I mean, how often do they get to just play with their food?! Skills honed include fine motor, healthy eating, object recognition, planning, problem-solving, and communication.
  5. Make a Band! Supplies needed: dependent upon instrument (see link provided). Cost: ~ $10 for whole band! Prep time: ~ 30-60 minutes (depending upon how many/which ones you make); Play time: Infinite! These are the toys that keep on giving. Children love that they can create a functioning instrument, and they also love to work together to make some rhythm and tunes! Follow the link, Easy to Make Musical Instruments– there are instructions on how to make over twenty different kinds of instruments! Skills honed include spatial, fine motor, planning, organization, cause and effect, verbal and non-verbal communication, coordination, etc! C’s personal favorites to make were the coffee can drums, ocean drums, and recycled maracas!
  6. Alphabet Scavenger Hunt Supplies needed: None! (isnt that great!?); Cost: FREE!; Prep time: None; Play time: ~ 60 minutes; Directions: For those children that are school-aged and working on literacy/their alphabet, this is a great one! It requires a lot of patience, but it also keeps them moving and interacting with their environment so it’s perfect for your movers and shakers. Beginning with the letter A, make the sound that each letter makes, and then request your child to find an object from somewhere in the house that begins with that letter. You will have to say the letter over and over again, guide them in the process of figuring out what begins with what (does that banana start with the letter A? Noooo! How about that apple?). Make a collection, which will help your child visualize just how many letters they learned and mastered. They’ll love the tactile approach to learning their ABC’s and all about words. Skills honed inlcude memorization, phonetic understanding, literacy, organization, goal-setting, communication, interpersonal, intrapersonal, classification skills, etc.

I hope you enjoy these ideas! Please feel free to share your projects on Instagram and either use the hashtag “houseoflove” or tag me in the photo to let me know what you thought! Also, be sure to follow along for more activity ideas and much, much more!


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Why I Blog

When I first entered the blogging world, my goal was to simply create an online diary. I had felt so isolated during those first few months of motherhood; the majority of my days were spent with no social interaction beyond my infant daughter and a few groups on Facebook. But I had so much to share, so many feelings and thoughts about this new, amazing, terrifying adventure. So I started a blog. I had no plan for it. I just wanted a place to vent.

As time went on and I wrote more, my emotional load became much lighter. I realized that when I share my feelings, the thoughts that normally just circulate endlessly through my head are given a different place to be: online. Which is scary. Scary as shit, if you ask me. Putting your unabashed thoughts and feelings into the hands, hearts, and minds of others is terrifying. But, the beauty (and danger) of making your feelings public is the ability to receive feedback. And I will admit not everyone always understands what I do.

But then there are those people who reach out to me to say that knowing my struggle is helping them with their own. That knowing that they’re not alone changes everything. And that’s why I blog. To share my stories (whether serious or light-hearted, silly or sad) and hope they help someone. To read other people’s stories and know that I have a community. To learn and share, to love and understand.  To be inspired…

So, with that said I’m taking my thirst for inspiration to the road (well, just a couple freeways actually) and am joining a slew of other wonderful BlogHers at #BlogHer16 ! I’ll be sharing the process on my Instagram (@house_of_love24), Twitter (@chesler_amy), and Snapchat (@thishouseoflove – wtf?! sooo many apps to keep up with!). In fact, you can even find me on the BlogHer16 app. I want to be inspired by all of you and look forward to the fun and knowledge I will leave with! Join me, won’t you?


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This House of Love

Let me [re]introduce myself. I’m Amy Beth Chesler, or A.B. Chesler as the literary world may (or may not) know me. I am a lover of food, laughter, and adventure, although I hate to get dirty. I chose to title my blog “This House of Love” because Amy Beth can be translated, loosely and in a couple different languages, into that phrase. My mom assembled this name for me, with the help of my then three year old brother, because she wished for me a future occupied by a warm and loving family life.

I am a victim of domestic violence. I am also a survivor of it. My mother, however, is not. She was an incredibly strong, determined, warm, caring woman. I will love and miss her with every fiber of my being every day until I die. Thankfully, things are infinitely better now as I fulfill my own role as a wife and mother. I’ve found my niche in life; I was born to be Mommy. I knew this from the beginning.

What I didn’t know is how much poop and snot I’d have to deal with on a regular basis. Similarly, no one told me that some days I would laugh so hard I would cry, and others I would feel swallowed whole by my loneliness. Everyone neglected to tell me how terrifying, thrilling, isolating, eye-opening, and powerful parenthood is. They also didn’t mention just how awesome (in the truest sense of the word) it is to have your heart, a true piece of you, walking around outside of your body, living their very own life. How dare they.

I am also a writer, although it’s scary to say so. It’s a profession that requires you to make something from nothing, a grand story or thought-provoking poem, from just the depths of your mind. If your tales aren’t well received, your writing is not the only entity receiving rejection. But, just like my sentiments about motherhood, I knew I was meant for the writing world. As a child, reading was my escape from the harsh realities that were my life.  I wrote my own stories to enter an alternate universe, one filled with much less pain and isolation. As an adult, writing is allowing me to process my past and consequently and eventually arrive at my life’s destination: a house filled with an infinite amount of love.

Feel free to join me on this crazy journey by following my blog via the link to the left. And remember, “Let love win.”